Skandian Adventure
by Ranger Charlie
Summary: What would happen if Erak and his crew went to New York? Would they ever get home again? What damage would they do while they were there?
**This is a one-shot that my brother wrote. I thought it was pretty good so I made a few minor corrections and posted it.**

Oberjarl Erak and his fellow Skandians were on a raid. His whole crew was with him. It was just like the old times. He had planned to simply raid some nearby villages, maybe go a little bit further if luck was on their side. But a freak wind had caught their boat, and before they knew it, they were stranded on a mysterious place called by its inhabitants as "New Yark." When they had gotten over their initial shock at discovering an entirely new land, they decided to start pillaging.

"Start by stealing the biggest statue you can find," Erak said. "That will go nicely in my treasury." After finding the biggest statue, however, he quickly amended his statement. After questioning some captured inhabitants, they discovered that the statue was called the "Statue of Libert's tea."

"Libert's tea must have been too hot," Svengal noted. "His cup is on fire."

"Unfortunately," Erak said, "There is no way that would fit in my treasure room, let alone the boat." After searching for a while, they settled on a shop full of jewellery. It only had one person in the entire house, hiding behind a desk. He looked rather like Borsa, Erak's treasurer and accountant. They knocked out the man at the desk, and then promptly set to work emptying the shop of its contents.

"My wife would love all this jewellery," one of the crew noted. (his name was Horak) "It's a pity that our ship is only so big."

"That reminds me of my aunt Agatha. She hoarded jewellery like a dragon would gold!" Svengal said.

"You've never told me about your aunt Agatha." Horak retorted.

"Really?" Svengal asked. "Lovely old lady she is. You should meet her."

The door wasn't quite wide enough for them, so they smashed it down. Immediately a high-pitched whining commenced. "Gorlog's teeth, that hurts my ears!" Erak yelled over the din. "Find whatever is making that noise and smash it!" They did that after quite a while of looking. Finally they smashed it, but it had attracted a large crowd of gawkers. The hardened sea-wolves faked a charge at them and sent them running off crying "Uncool, man!"

"I'm hungry." Svengal complained. "Can we stop for a bite to eat?"

"Trust you to think of your belly!" Horak teased.

"What?" Svengal retorted. "I'm a growing man." After a bit of deliberating, Erak gave his consent, and so they went off in search of food. They stopped at a place with a big sign outside showing two golden archways. It smelled good in there, and people were taking out food, so it was a reasonable assumption that there was food in there. They charged in and gasped. There were pictures of food everywhere! People were taking food in exchange for small round things that the inhabitants called "my knee."

"Funny that they should call it that." Erak stated. "It looks more like gold and silver. I'm sure that some of the jewellery that we've found should be sufficient payment." It turned out that it was. The man giving out the food loaded them with things called "Big Macs", "Fries", and "Caught her? Pound her," the last of which Svengal decided was a good basic principle if his daughter were to ever run off again. They counted it when they went out, and found that they had collected a grand total of 58 "Big Macs", 69 "Fries", and 23 "Caught her? Pound hers."

"Will that satisfy your hunger, Svengal?" Erak teased.

"Hmm. It's a start," Svengal replied, amid general laughter all around.

They started to head back to their boat, but were stopped by a policeman. He said that they were all under arrest, and that they would be held in custody until a trial could take place. "Trial, my rear," Erak said, and promptly knocked the man out stone cold.

"Well, Erak," Svengal joked. "In this land, you're a smash hit!" This prompted multiple groans from his fellow Skandians.

They then started to head back to the boat, hoping that this time they would not be stopped. No such luck, however, since on their way, a rugged looked man tried to rob them. It turned out that he had a knife, so he proved a little more difficult to waylay than the policeman. In the end, though, numbers prevailed, and the Skandians sent him packing. "Why is everyone so violent here?" Horak asked, to which Svengal replied, "Well, we're not such a peace-loving nation ourselves," amid general agreement. They managed to get back to their ship without any troubles, only to find that more policemen were all over it.

"Is this your boat," one of the policemen asked. When they replied that yes, it was their ship, he said that they had to pay to dock their boat there. The Skandians, predictably, refused to pay. As a result, the policemen steered the boat away, and went off with it. Erak yelled after the rapidly disappearing policemen:

"What in the name of Gorlog's teeth and claws are you doing with my cherished wolfship?"

"We are confiscating it in the name of the law," was their reply.

Erak went into a blue fit. It took six Skandians to hold him still while he calmed down. When he had properly calmed down, Svengal suggested that they take one of the policemen's boats instead. They found a ship called the "New Yark Media Boat." Apparently it was used for sightseeing tours, but it would do for their purposes. Unfortunately, it had no oars, no sail, no nothing.

Just then a man came running up. "Oi, what're you doing with my ship? I can't make a living without her!" Ignoring the man's questions, Erak asked him about his lack of oars and sails. "It's a motor boat!" the man replied, more than a little impatiently. "Where are you guys from? The Middle Ages? You need the keys to make her start."

"Who might have the key?" Erak questioned.

"I do...oh." His voice shrank suddenly. He saw Erak's fist flying towards his face, and then saw nothing. He dimly thought how stupid that was, and fell to the ground, knocked out.

The key as the man had said would start the engine, but the question remained about which part of the boat is the engine. That was resolved by asking a passerby which part the engine was. He looked at them like they had a bulbous wart in the middle of their forehead, then told them quickly and hurried off. They then realized the engine actually didn't have a keyhole in it. They looked all over the boat, until they came to the tiller. It was enclosed in glass, and so it was protected from the spray, while they could still see out of it.

"Rather ingenious," Svengal remarked. "And look! That looks like a keyhole, only thinner." Erak stuck the key in it and twisted. Nothing happened. He tried again. Still there was nothing.

"Er...why don't you try turning it the other way, Erak," Svengal suggested helpfully. It worked when he did that.

"They made it backwards!" Erak said belligerently. "Numbskulls."

They then proceeded to have difficulty with how to control the 'new fangled' boat. Several crashes and a lot of mistakes later, they finally managed to get out into the open sea. They kept sailing in the opposite direction to how they went before, and got back to Skandia.

"Gorlog's teeth," Erak cursed.

"What is it," Svengal asked. "You look as if your mother died."

"Almost as bad," Erak replied. "I left my wolfship back in New Yark!"

 **What do you think? Is my brother a good author? Sometimes I think he is better than me! :P**


End file.
